Carrie isn't that into Aidan, I'm sorry!
On And Just Like That, the allure of emotionally unavailable men, and some other thoughts.
On a date earlier this summer, at a restaurant I’d never been to, a guy and I waited for our table. It was one of those spots with lofty ceilings, a plant-based menu with region-unspecified “Asian cuisine,” and cocktails with names like, Whisk-me Away Sour, or Lick My Licorice, or whatever.
The staff seemed a bit stressed. It was a busy Tuesday night in NoMad, the kind of scene that frankly makes me feel like I’m LARPing.
“This restaurant looks like the restaurants they always eat at in the new Sex and the City reboot. They’re like vaguely familiar but also fancy, but also weirdly large for New York and I have no idea where they are,” I told the guy.
He shared that he once saw the first season of Sex and the City and did not like it.
I scoffed. “Well, that’s okay. The show definitely doesn’t care what you,” [a 20-something straight man], “think about it. That’s kind of the point, actually.”
“But Carrie was annoying. And why did she keep going back to Big when he was so mean to her?”
I deeply wished we were seated with wine at this point, but I soldiered on, the hostess toggling her iPad a yard away.
“She loved him. He would always be the one she chose, no matter how badly he treated her. Which… yes, that’s fucked up! But it’s true.” (For one reason or another, we did not go on another date after that.)
In the latest episode (S2, E8) of …And Just Like That, the Max (né HBO) reboot of the iconic series, Sarah Jessica Parker’s Carrie has a similar reckoning, asking Cynthia Nixon’s Miranda whether Big was a “big mistake.”
This is a valid question coming from Carrie, as Big was indeed an asshole.
But she’s only asking this because she’s rekindling with Aidan, her now-divorced longtime boyfriend and once fiancé.
The New York Times disagrees with what I’m about to say, so know I’m not making this claim lightly:
Carrie was never that into Aidan.
She did not respect him: not when he redid the floors to her apartment, not when she visited his upstate house, certainly not when she received an offer to see Big in ever-shrinking hotel rooms.
While Aidan thought he was closer to a life with Carrie, combining her apartment with the one next door to start their future, she shared postcoital cigarettes with Big.
He was always the wrong flavor of masculinity, never quite the rugged woodworker she first fashioned him as in her imagination — “he was warm, masculine, and classic American,” as she famously described him — each ripped-up floorboard another nail in their relationship coffin.
She chose Big because she always chose Big, and that is the cost of not going to therapy.
But I don’t think Aidan saw Carrie quite right, either, because the real Carrie doesn’t want a man who fashions himself as the star of his own sit-com, whose constant bits and funny voices could charm most women. That kind of generic charm has never seemed right for Carrie, who needed a specific, special, singular man.
For better or for (most of the time) worse, she needed to know that she could crack Big’s shell in a way no one else could.
Her friends knew it, even (and especially) when she flew to Paris with “the Russian.”
And so I’ve been rolling my eyes in the last few weeks as Carrie and Aidan shop for kitchenware, hop from hotels to Che’s inexplicably-located Hudson Yards apartment (I do not have time to get into this right now), traipsing from the city to his Norfolk, Virginia farmhouse where Aidan’s “boys” live alongside his chickens… no.
Still, I understand why Carrie thinks she likes Aidan right now, I really do. They are having fun, and he makes her feel special. He makes her feel like a teenager.
But with him, she’s not herself. She’s a caricature, a woman without a care in the world whose only responsibility is to laugh, to dance around as a unit with this goofy, sexy man. The way she is with him is not natural, it’s not real — it’s all sparkle and shine and no substance.
It’s not going to work! It’s not going to work.
That doesn’t mean the now-deceased (spoiler alert?) Big was the right (read: healthy) choice, though.
Of course, we’ve seen the “woman is hopelessly in love with man who treats her badly” trope played out everywhere, pre-SATC (When Harry Met Sally — don’t be mad at me, I’m right!) and post (Girls). In one of the best Big-Carrie analogs, Adam even called Hannah “kid” — Big’s famous nickname for Carrie.
To be clear, I can’t pretend to know much about real, lasting love. And I’m certainly biased. I rooted for Adam in season 1 of Girls. It was the spring of my sophomore year of high school when the show first aired, and I also quickly memorized Booth Jonathan’s iconic scene with Marnie on the High Line in episode 3 (“...because I’m a man, and I know how to do things”). In that period of time, I had my heart broken by a camp friend on a summer program in Israel because there was another Rachel on the program whom he liked more than me.
What I mean is: I understand Carrie’s unending need for Big’s approval, her willingness to drop anything and anyone if it meant he would finally love her.
And I know that there is no alternate reality wherein Carrie could have chosen Aidan over Big.
We’ll see what Michael Patrick King et al have decided for our girl in the coming weeks, though.
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Something I forgot to plug:
I was featured in a Hulu docuseries! How cool is that! It’s called “The Age of Influence,” and it’s a six-part series exploring exploitation and scamming through influence on social media.
My former Insider colleague, Anna Medaris, and I were featured in Episode 3, for our reporting on the F-Factor diet scandal and ensuing battle between two influencers.
Manifesting more opportunities like this. You can watch the trailer here:
Earnest moment time: Thank you to my mom (whose birthday was yesterday! happy birthday mama!) for hosting the cutest impromptu watch party when this came out in June! My friends brought champagne galore and my mom served movie-theater popcorn and candy, including teal Skittles to match the decorations. I wish I took more photos. I also got to watch the episode again with more friends a couple weeks later. I have the best people in my life and I am so lucky!!!
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While you’re here, some other recommendations:
“The Animal” by Alison Stiel
One of my favorite people released her first single on Spotify! I’d describe it as a sort of ‘90s alt-rock spin on Lizzy McAlpine with stunning vocals and amazing lyrics to cry to.
If you love it as much as I do, you can hear more of her music on Soundcloud!
Too Many Tabs by Pete Sirianni
While we mourn the inevitable death of Twitter, I remain grateful for the friends we’ve all made along the way. Pete Sirianni, the editor of New Castle News in New Castle, Pennsylvania, has been one of my favorite internet buds over the last few years. Reading his Substack today inspired me to get off of TikTok and write something that wasn’t in my Notes app.
Feed Me by Emily Sundberg
This newsletter is one of my favorites, analyzing the nexus of business and culture. It is so good, so on-point, so fun.
For now, I will leave you with this photo of Rudy Giuliani. Goodnight!